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The Commandments: Chapter 10

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The Commandments: Chapter 10

Post by Merci on 3/11/2010, 6:51 pm

This is the last of the first part of the story. I will start up writing it again in maybe a month or so. Between then, I will write short stories, for inspiration. Feedback guys, I need to know what was good, what wasn't or suggestions for short stories, that would be nice to. With that, I give you the final installment of The Commandments, part 1.
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Without so much as a "goodnight", Samantha yawned after our game of hide-and-go-seek, and went to bed. Her mother had come onto the porch about half an hour earlier and began painting. She seemed elegant in her work, glancing up every now and again to check on us as we called out to give clues. I had stopped wondering during our games, but curiosity again crept into my mind, so I approached the porch.

"Stand right there." Said the mother.

I didn't know her name, and didn't bother to ask why, so I stood on the bottom step and she went back to her painting. I stood for nearly ten minutes before she finally motioned me back up onto the porch, where I sat on the side rail facing her.

"Whats your name?" I asked, speaking to her for the first time today.

"You can call me what you like, but most call me Queen. My given name is also Samantha, like my daughters, and both of us are Ms Samantha Queen, but it'd be mighty weird to be called the same thing, wouldn't it?" She laughed at her own little joke, then motioned me over. "Come here darling, I want you to see this."

I walked over to her and the canvas. I stood behind it for a few moments, and she just stared at it in those moments for a suspenseful effect. Then, dramatically, she turned it around. She had painted myself on the bottom step in less than twenty minutes! It looked very admirable, but there was one thing that stuck out the most; my smile of incredible proportions. She laughed as I noticed it, then I noticed that my cheeks hurt, and I understood why. I had been smiling ever since this morning, standing in front of the mirror. This place had the weirdest effect on people. Tense, I walked inside to go to sleep. I had been beat by the time I got inside, and let myself drift into sleep without even taking off my shoes.

For the first time since the war started, I felt happy and slept peacefully and undisturbed. Only later would I understand that I was right in my first assumption. This happiness was indeed otherworldly. But that's another story for another time. Though one thing lingered in my mind, what of the commandments? No man left behind. She I go find Kora? Should I show him this place? Could he live here to? My thoughts dissipated in a distortion of wild dreams. I slept.



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I don't want to set the world on fire. I just want to start, a flame in your heart.
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Re: The Commandments: Chapter 10

Post by James on 3/11/2010, 8:19 pm

Quite a cliff hanger, but it's a good one, unlike RE.

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Re: The Commandments: Chapter 10

Post by punkboy011 on 3/11/2010, 9:08 pm

cant wait till the next part

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Re: The Commandments: Chapter 10

Post by Merci on 4/11/2010, 3:26 pm

Glad to see good feedback. Once I get a check for this part of the book (Only disclosing cite that pays me to Ravi for now) I'll start writing again.

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I don't want to set the world on fire. I just want to start, a flame in your heart.
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Status Update : Climbin' in your windows, snatchin' your people up.

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